Where's the new in all of this?

New years always seems to bring deep introspection on the past year, and a robust resolve to charge into the next year. I'm not to be left out with my mental notes of new year resolves, but charging into it...no, I feel like I'm dragging, limping myself across this invisible divide of years.
I'm normally among the chargers, the list makers, the bright eyed new year gazers. Not this year...I'm skeptical.
I awoke yesterday with a heavy depression. Something I struggle with on occasion, not my natural state by any means. It like feeling like you lost even before you start. Not a way to head into a new year fresh. I won yesterday. I fought the battle fiercely. I got dressed, I snuggled my boys, I played with them, I laughed, I managed the park, shopping, and the library. I made it. My boys had a beautiful day to add to their childhood bank of memories. It was exhausting.
By the evening I was living more and out of survival mode. Then I got the call that someone I love had lost someone they love tragically. I had just thought randomly earlier in the day how I would make a horrible grief counselor. I hate death. Death makes me angry. I want to fight it. I want to destroy it. I understand and believe firmly that being welcomed home to the heavenly realms is a beautiful thing.... but for the loved ones here the hurt, the missing, the gut wrenching pain is not beautiful. Its heavy, its consuming, it's a long road.
How do we start a new year like this? Where is the glitter, the champagne, the midnight kiss? The pain of last year wakes us into the new year. Maybe its not such a fresh start, but the continuation of this life filled with all things joy, love, pain, heartache.
I march (crawl) into this new year (continuation of time) knowing a few things for sure: God is close to the broken hearted, (not in a bull shit rainbow way, but in the middle of the night through the tears way...you"ll still feel the pain but He'll hold your hand), God gives us the grace to fight our battles( meaning we still have to fight!!! but knowing we've won before we start!), and everyday is new, beautiful, hard, tragic, heartbreaking, full. Maybe we make resolutions, because we need the resolve to get us over the bumps that lay ahead. I can assure you 100% this new year is going to suck(there will be pain, days of mundane exhaustion, sleepless nights, frustration)!!!! BUT it will also be full of Joy, amazing memories, beauty. Enjoy the gym...