Protecting our children from ourselves

I'm attempting this post on my ipad, so please bare with me as it is not the best device to type on.
Our kids... Nothing brings out the fierce, crusade worthy, battle ready, watch out here she comes, like when we are protecting our young.  We are unstoppable at what we will accomplish in order to protect our children. I worry about how other kids will treat little my guys. What kind of creeps are lurking out there in the world. What kind of woman they will attract when their older. What kind of influence the world will have on their choices. All the outside things I fear could potentially harm them... The things that may be out of my control. ( to a degree)

As a parent now I realize that sometimes we so focus on the outside boogie mans, negative influences, and predators, that we forget to protect our children from ourselves. We lay out excuses a mile long, filed under trying our best, discipline, and any other idealistic charters we can fly our flaws on. The truth is we do not a OWN our children, we are entrusted them for a short moment. They are not our servants, our minions, our property. They are fellow humans and we have a grand responsibility to protect them...from everything...including ourselves.
Be healthy for your children's sake...work on your anger, your impatience, your addictions. Be fierce whenever your flaws reach out to hurt your kids. Be aware...getting wrapped up in our adult problems we often forget the childhood that is unfolding before us never again to be rewritten or edited. Love those babies...even if it means being tough on yourself.

Where's the new in all of this?

New years always seems to bring deep introspection on the past year, and a robust resolve to charge into the next year. I'm not to be left out with my mental notes of new year resolves, but charging into it...no, I feel like I'm dragging, limping myself across this invisible divide of years.
I'm normally among the chargers, the list makers, the bright eyed new year gazers. Not this year...I'm skeptical.
I awoke yesterday with a heavy depression. Something I struggle with on occasion, not my natural state by any means. It like feeling like you lost even before you start. Not a way to head into a new year fresh. I won yesterday. I fought the battle fiercely. I got dressed, I snuggled my boys, I played with them, I laughed, I managed the park, shopping, and the library. I made it. My boys had a beautiful day to add to their childhood bank of memories. It was exhausting.
By the evening I was living more and out of survival mode. Then I got the call that someone I love had lost someone they love tragically. I had just thought randomly earlier in the day how I would make a horrible grief counselor. I hate death. Death makes me angry. I want to fight it. I want to destroy it. I understand and believe firmly that being welcomed home to the heavenly realms is a beautiful thing.... but for the loved ones here the hurt, the missing, the gut wrenching pain is not beautiful. Its heavy, its consuming, it's a long road.
How do we start a new year like this? Where is the glitter, the champagne, the midnight kiss? The pain of last year wakes us into the new year. Maybe its not such a fresh start, but the continuation of this life filled with all things joy, love, pain, heartache.
I march (crawl) into this new year (continuation of time) knowing a few things for sure: God is close to the broken hearted, (not in a bull shit rainbow way, but in the middle of the night through the tears way...you"ll still feel the pain but He'll hold your hand), God gives us the grace to fight our battles( meaning we still have to fight!!! but knowing we've won before we start!), and everyday is new, beautiful, hard, tragic, heartbreaking, full. Maybe we make resolutions, because we need the resolve to get us over the bumps that lay ahead. I can assure you 100% this new year is going to suck(there will be pain, days of mundane exhaustion, sleepless nights, frustration)!!!! BUT it will also be full of Joy, amazing memories, beauty. Enjoy the gym...

Carrot Bread with Cream Cheese

I had a few lonely carrots left over in the garden, and I wanted to make something with them in the spirit of not wasteing. It's been a goal to waste the least amount of produce from my garden this year. I'm doing my best to use, give away, or freeze whatever the garden gives me. So' with that in mind I needed to find a home for my carrots. I was going to make carrot muffins, but I forgot muffin pan liners at the store. So here is Carrot Bread!

2 cups grated carrots

1/2 cup walnuts

1cup light brown sugar

11/2 cup flour

1/2 baking powder

2teaspoons cinnamon, 1 teaspoon nutmeg, 1 teaspoon cloves, 1/2 teaspoon ginger, 1/2 teaspoon salt

2 Tablespoon sugar

2/3 veg oil

2teaspoons vanilla

2 large eggs

-mix dry ingredients. Mix wet wet ingredients. Mix both together. Stir in carrots and walnuts. put in a greased bread pan.

Cream cheese topping: Mix 1/3 cup sugar, 1 package cream cheese, 1 egg.

Top bread with half the cream cheese mixture(I made a small cheese cake with the left over mixture)

Bake at 350 for 55 min

cool in pan 10 min

Chicken and Andouille Gumbo

I made this recently, while it was 100+ degrees outside, but really it was deserving of a cold rainy day. I was suprised at how easy it was.

1/2 cup all purpose flour

1 Tablespoon oil

1 link andouille sausage finely chopped

3 medium celery stalks cut into 1/2 inch chunks

1 medium onion cut into 1/2 inch chunks

1 green bellpepper cut into 1/2 inch chunks

12 ounces okra sliced crosswise in 1/2 inch chunks(I couldn't find fresh, so I used frozen)

8 cups chicken broth

2lbs skinless chicken breast cut in 1/4ths

1 can(28ounces) plum tomatoes coarsley chopped with juice(2 cups, add water if needed)

2 dried bay leaves

1 Tablespoon worcestershire sauce

1. Heat a large skillet over meduim heat. Toast flour, stirring with a wooden spoon, for 3 minutes. cook until it has a toasted aroma and is the color of peanut butter. transfer to a large bowl and let cool.

2. Heat oil in large pot. Cook sausage for 1 min. Raise heat to high. add onion, celery, and bellpepper. cook for 3 min stirring occasionally. add okra cook for another 3 min.

3.meanwhile whisk broth into flour; add to pot. stir in chicken, tomatoes, and bay leaves; bring to boil. reduce heat to meduim and simmer 1 hour.

4. romove from heat; cover to keep warm. Transfer chicken to a plate, let cool 5 min. Remove bones, shred and add back to pot. Discard bay leaves. Stir in worchestershire sauce.

Cupcakes.

Some may say cupcakes are over done these days, but really can there ever be enough tiny little cakes running around this world? I made two of my favorite cupcake recipes for my sisters baby shower....lemon rosemary cupcakes and black bottom cherry cupcakes. So cute and so fun to eat!

Rosemary Lemon Cupcakes

1/2 cup butter softened

2eggs

.let eggs sit out for half an hour before making cupcakes

13/4 cups cake flour

2teaspoon rosemary(finely chopped)

11/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1cup sugar

11/2 teaspoons lemon extract

2/3 cup milk

2teaspoons lemon peel

3 Tablespoon lemon juice

-mix dry ingredients

-beat butter for 30 seconds. add lemon extract, and sugar beat until fluffy(2min). add eggs one at a time beating well.

-alternately add milk and flour mixture to butter mixture, beating well after each addition. Stir in in lemon peel and juice.

bake in pan with liners at 350 for -min. Let cool and ice.(1 cup powdered sugar-enough lemon juice to allow for a spreading consistancy-1/2lemon peel)

Black Bottom Cupcakes

-Mix 8oz of cream cheese, 1 egg, 1/3 cup of sugar until fluffy. Stir in 1 cup chocolatechips. set aside.

-Mix 11/2 cups flour, 1 cup sugar, 1/4 cup cocoa powder, 1 teaspoon baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon salt.

-Mix 1/3 cup oil, 1 Tablespoon cider vinegar, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1 cup water.

-mix flour and oil mixtures together. Fill lined cupcake pans 1/3 the way full with batter then top off with 1 Tablespoon cream cheese mixture.

bake at 350 for 25-30 min. For cherry black bottoms. add 4 Tablesoons marchino cherry juice to cream cheese mixture. place a marschino cherry in the top of each cupcake, cover stems with a strip of foil to prevent burning.

Chocolate Spice Zucchini Bread

I modified the original recipe with extra spices, candied ginger, and chocolate. The end result was amazing. It reminded me of the holidays.

I large zucchini grated

1 cup light brown sugar

2 Tablespoons sugar

2/3 cup vegetable oil

2teaspoons vanilla

2 large eggs

11/2 cups flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

2t cinnamon, 1t nutmeg, 1/4 t ginger, 1/2t cloves, 3/4 t salt

1/2 cup candied ginger chopped

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

6oz(half the bag) chocolate chips ground in the food processor.

mix dry ingredients. mix wet ingredients. mix together. Stir in candied ginger, zucchini, walnuts, and chocolate. put in a greased and floured bread pan. bake at 350 for 45-55 min. cool in pan for 10 min

Zucchini Parmesan Bread